Friday, 19 October 2007

ROAD RAGE




I’ve only recently discovered that of all the banks of colourful vocabulary I use in different situations in everyday life, the smallest I’ve got seems to be that of colourful vocabulary I use while out driving. Although my choice of labels for fellow drivers, shouted out or hissed through clasped teeth, are not necessarily parental advisory category, they are rather un-pc. Furthermore, I seem to have quite a limited range, which consists of ‘idiot’, retard, and saved for the dumbest drivers out there, a-hole. Indeed, I do not pick these words at random, but with particular attention to the category of offence that would validate the un-pc labelling. Let’s just have a quick look at the list of insults with the respective offences that justify their use.

Idiot – possibly the mildest of insults on the list, idiot is generally the first step (whirl?) down the spiral of drawing CQ’s fury one’s way. Idiots can be classified as those who pull out in front of you without indicating, tailgate you when you’re going at a reasonable speed on the motorway, suddenly slow down to make a right/left turn without having indicated at all. As can be seen, many in this category seem to be indicator-disabled wastes of space who should really go back to do their driving tests again.

Retard – The choicest form of ‘retard’ you can get from yours truly is the coined re-turd, a play on the word through the use of a former student’s favourite swear word for lower human forms: ‘turd’) Re-turd is save for those who clearly have chucked out the Highway Code and all the other rules of driving, behave similarly in many ways to ‘idiots’ but with more disregard to other road users. For instance, a driver who pulls out in front of you without indicating and blissfully continues to go over the 30 miles speed limit in a built up area truly deserves the label of re-turd, a level of idiocy mixed with excrement.

A-hole – The last but not the least are the choicest drivers, who deserve to be labelled as an orifice of human anatomy where the aforementioned excrement is exerted from. A-holes are those who have total disregard not just for road rules, other users and laws, but also for the sanctity of human life. The sort of driver who not only pulls out in front of you without indicating, but does it right at the last minute barely missing scraping your body work, the driver who dives into the roundabout without checking first, the driver who storms through a one way road without considering right of way clearly belongs into this category. Having, as the Turkish saying goes, ‘got their license from a butcher’s shop’, these should be banned from driving. For life...
Right, I’ll hit the road now...

18 comments:

Queen of My Castle said...

LMAO! I swear I thought I was the only person in the world to categorize drivers according to offense committed! The worst is when you are fumimg because you get cut off by someone going 10 MPH, only to realize that it's someone's poor old senile grandparent.

~Mimi~ said...

wow its been a minute hasn't it??

i'm yet to learn to drive so hopefully i dont pick up any extra language credits when i start..lol

Ugo Daniels said...

So where da hell have you been, lol! taking good care of Bigdaddy i presume.

Cursing other drivers is almost generally acceptable. Worst case scenario is facing the FULL headlights of an incoming vehicle after you've dimmed yours, expecting same. Fcuking retards :)

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

iT'S FUNNY HOW DRIVING CAN REDUCE OUR EXPANSIVE VOCABULARY TO A FEW CURSE WORDS...LOL!

Aijay said...

LMAO!!! I can't stop laughing.

Nyemoni said...

Welcome to the club and not so colourful I tell ya! believe me, I've heard much worse! LOL..

Noni Moss said...

Lolll - nice car! I'm not suprised that you get road rage - I'd hate for someone to piss me off whilst driving that. I get TERRIBLE road rage - I'm soo quick to flare! And I use a lot more colorful language. Plus even though I know they cant hear me I scream and swear at them at the top of my voice accompanied by obscene hand gestures ;-) (oh and honking if it's really bad)

Fatoumatta said...

hot ride...i dnt drive,thu i sort of did twice..or more...lol...but wen we stuck in traffic i find myself getn the drivn rage more than the driver,sticking my head out and all...is really smtin u cant control...meanwhile wan invite u to ma blog so send me ur email pls on fatimsani@yahoo.co.uk
-.-

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

Hey you, update!!!

Thanks for pointing me to the photoblog. The pics are amazing!! See you around.

myabubakar said...

what a blog u got here. and interesting stories all. but turkish?
astonished

princesa said...

Hey CQ!
Been a while.
I love ur driver classifications.

Am also very bad when it comes to cussing while driving.

I just shout at the offending party:"Are you mental?!?!"

Its about time for an update or don't you think so?

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

lmao.. you're hilarious.. this is definitely a first... cos most people i know use bloody asshole.. or motherf*****.. haha... whichever comes to mind first but its great to know that you actually have a thought process and classifying system.. lmao

Olamild said...

WAOW

Allied said...

Lol... i am a NYC driver so i can relate. However, i only use Idiot and other colorful Yoruba words such as

Atole - Bed wetter and

Oku igbe- Dead Shit.

Afrobabe said...

I dont even drive and I curse all the way (as a pasenger)...and it's usually transfered aggression.....

~Mimi~ said...

how about an update???????????

Fo said...

did u leave blogville too??

Ivanaa said...

LOL... Love your blog... that is so me when I'm driving ....hilarious!