Monday, 18 August 2008


Matthew 7:24-27
The Wise and Foolish Builders

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

Another wedding season is almost over. Over the last four weeks, I have attended as many weddings; as a photographer in two, a guest in one and a bridesmaid in the last. What I love about weddings is the exuberance, the enthusiasm, the excitement - the mere of joy of witnessing two becoming one. A wedding is the ultimate celebration of the holiest bond between a man and a woman, as they embark on a journey of a lifetime. A wedding offers hope of everlasting love, romance, partnership in a dismal world where so many relationships fail, so many couples walk their separate ways, so many unions are shattered through lack of communication, incompatibility and worst of all, betrayal. A wedding is the ultimate celebration of mankind's faith in mankind - that a man will not fail his wife, a woman will not fail her husband.

At one of the weddings I had the opportunity to witness, the pastor reminded the celebrants of the parable of the two builders, drawing on lessons to learn for couples embarking on the journey that is marriage. As I recounted these words of wisdom I couldn't help but muse on just how blessed I was to be in the marriage that I am. Getting ready to leave the church at the end of the ceremony, Mr O. nudged me ever so slightly to hand me the Order of Service I had so desperately wanted to grab off his friend. The question, "How did you guess?" almost escaped from my lips, but I already knew the answer.

Here was a man who had stuck with me for better or worse in the last seven years. A wise man, a wise builder. He had shown calmness for every fight I had put up, tenderness for every worry that had clouded my face, patience for each self-doubt, forgiveness for each trespass, and wisdom to know that two people do not just meet, fall in love and live happily ever after. No, in reality, two people meet, fall in love and live happily ever after only if they make the conscious decision to work at their relationship every day, through thick and thin, through the storm, through each and every single rock they hit along the way. In the seven years we've spent together, each time I wanted to give up, he carried on; each time I despaired, he kept the faith; each time I threw in the towel, he fought for both of us. In time I got to learn that each fight was a building block of that mansion we wanted to live in for eternity. Each time my shovel hit a rock, I was ready to quit. Yet he kept shoveling. Until one by one, the rocks crumbled down to little stones, stones to earth. Until what we had in front of us was the mansion of our union - tall, strong, rock solid. Then came the rain... and the streams... and the wind... But we had worked so hard, our mansion was so strong; we did not crumble down, we did not fall, we rode the storm. Only because standing by my side is a wise man, brave and strong. A wise builder - one who never quits, one who perseveres through all that life throws at him. One I have built my house with, one I trust with my whole being, one who I know will never let me down.

As I look back at the rocks we have hit along the way and the storms we have survived, I thank my lucky stars, the universe and the Creator for the man who is by my side. And I thank him. As I reach out to take the Order of Service, as I close my eyes to go to sleep at night, as I wake up to a new day, I thank him and say:


- being my Northern star - whenever I lose sense of direction or doubt myself, for showing me the way, guiding me through the dark vales of worry, doubt and insecurity.

- being my Knight in shining Armour - whenever I am weak or forlorn or desperate, coming to my rescue, whether it be spending a whole two months with me in the hell-hole of a house-share circa 2003 or sneaking in home-made food when I was in hospital for four days back in 2005 and hated every minute of it or coming to carry me out and rush me to the hospital like the knight in shining armour you are when I fell down at work and injured my knee (There is a reason they say "in sickness and in health!")

- being my biggest fan - whenever I suffer from low self-esteem or wallow in self-doubt, for pushing me forth, and standing on the sidelines cheering me on, constantly shattering my blinkers and shoving me out of my comfort zone to strive for bigger and better things, teaching me to think positively and dream big, whether it be getting out a flat share back in 2003 or getting my writing published or becoming a photographer in my own right.

- loving me - with passion, with tenderness, with faith, even when I am at my least lovable. Knowing every little quirk about me, knowing how I bite the skin on my fingertips, knowing how I'd want that Order of Service, knowing that I'd ask for the blue napkin/book/dress (replace as appropriate), knowing I'd want to read The Observer on a Sunday morning, knowing how I'll cry when I hear 'Dance with my Father again', knowing how I sulk when I don't get my way, knowing how I make a mess of the living room with my glossies. Knowing me inside out, taking the time to get to know me and still loving me with all my quirks. Knowing I will never have Scarlet's lips, Shakira's hips, Halle's cleavage but loving every inch of my B-cupped, big-bootied, thunder-thighed 5.5 of me. Loving me not unconditionally, but on the condition that I love myself.

- being you - the wonderful, the amazing, the incredible you - the man who has faith in everyone, who always sees the glass half full, the man who sees his unborn children in my eyes, the man who is kind, tender, patient; the man who goes for gold and never quits. The man I`love like life, dearer than life. My homey, my lover, my friend... The wise builder I am proud to call my husband.


Mwendwa Mbaabu said...

What a beautiful always glad to knw people who are makin it work all the way to ever after. Im glad you have such a gud man. Wish you guys all the best.

~Mimi~ said...


Subster is a star :)

Rita said...

Wow...I love this post. I love the way you adore your husband. You are a real example of a good wife...

NigerianDramaQueen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
NigerianDramaQueen said...

There is such a sweetness and sincereness about your love for your husband. I read this and the post "Homey, Lover, Friend"-and it reminded me that true love still exists outside the pages of fairy tale novels. J'y adore....

Thank you so much for stopping by my blog. Im so glad I discovered your written one. I stalk you guys' photoblog every single day to gogoo and gaga.
This blog is getting added to the blogroll.

c said...

Believe it or not, I was looking for a lesson for my PreK class and came across your blog. I read your post and had to tell you that I so appreciate your sincerity and vulnerability in expressing the love you have for your husband. That's an all too rare thing these days. Nice to see this.

Isi said...

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